Captivated

The wonder of it all
The days we sit and soak in the Lord
The results that come from this all are amazing
His love that pours into our lives when we let him
And when we open ourselves up to him
Great things come

He uses us when we feel like their is nothing left to give
We are blessed to be able to receive from him
Even after all we have done
He has done so much more and gave his life for us
We are forgiven
By his great grace and mercy on our lives

We can live and breathe for another day
We can walk this earth knowing we are loved with an unconditional love
That is eternal and everlasting
We are loved
By our creator
A man who knows everything about you
And will never forget your face
your name
your calling
your heart
you

Silence is Golden

Isn't it funny how we can feel so alone but be surrounded by hundreds of people all at the same time. You think it could almost be impossible but it is very possible. Many people experience this especially in a Post Secondary setting. You have friends all around you and can always here people talking. But still on the inside you feel like no one cares and that you have no one to talk to yourself. Where do you go from here.... is what you are thinking. Tough question when we have all dealt with it before. Make the best of the situation I say take time out then and spend it with God. In the silences is when we hear him talk when we are listening let this time of loneliness be replaced with God's voice and not the voice of your friends. Let him talk and you listen instead of trying to go find that struggling listening ear from your friend. Remember you are loved and never alone!

You can breathe

As the days come and go I find myself becoming more grumpy and grumpy. As school comes closer I start to think of how much work it is actually going to be. And it is scary but exciting at the same time. So much weighs on your mind and you become so unmotivated when now you have so much to do even more than you did before.
These are the times I need to find that place of Peace and just rest there because, without that I would go nuts. And that is something I need to remind myself of rest in his peace that peace that I have found and have been promised. To take things one thing at a time. Things happen in God's timing and not our own. And to not put our hands all over God's plan but let it happen in his timing and everything will go smoothly.
Feel the release in God knowing it is all going to be ok. And he never gives us to much that we can't handle. He is the God of everything and he is not going to leave you feeling stressed and overwhelmed. let it all play out how it was intended and not the way you want it to be. Through his grace we are set free..... so let it be, all the things you have to do and go with the flow.

Free Indeed

This summer has been an extradinary summer for me. Full of learning and listening, full of laughter and tears, and full of smiles and story telling.
I have learned more about myself and others around me. I have seen a different perspective of things and opened up my eyes wider to see a greater outlook on life and on people. As I take those nights for myself and sit in complete silence and just feel at peace. Knowing as hard as it might seem to overcome this mountain that I can do it. That no mountain is to big. That I have a purpose to my life and that peace that surrounds me proves it all to me. Something that might be so small and that I can only feel in that moment of silence.
Is something that changes my future. That peace is not just their for a moment but lasts a life time. When it is spent in prayer. And maybe to some this blog will make no sense what so ever and that is ok because one day that peace will come to you, and until that day know it is their. But when it does come you know that every thing will be ok even when you feel like it could never be.
I have come to realize, I like being broken that it is more than ok to be, despite what our society thinks about that. When you are broken you can only be built back up and built back up is where I want to be. I not only want to be built back up, but this time built back up the way I am suppose to be built. Not from my own hands and creative ideas but from His. You know who I mean, and if not I will help you out this time. God....to be broken gives you a new chance a new life a new perspective a new will and a new fighting power in life for a little kick. To be broken is an opportunity to be molded, molded into something that you are meant to be even before you were born. Like a breath of fresh air to your lungs. Knowing you are living your life the way it was intended. Broken and free......free to be who you were meant to be.....
Their is no better place for me right now to be then to be broken at His feet, ready and waiting for my time to shine as I slowly am being built the way he intended me to be.

The Power of Prayer

I know a lot of us often forget the power of prayer. I know I do sometimes until God reminds us how important it is just how he reminded the Israelites how sovereign he is. That no matter how many times we mess up or disobey, God will always be their leading us and guiding us we just have to let him.
I find myself lately praying for my friends at home, we are all around the same age and I know we all have our own struggles and I am so thankful for each of them and the way they are so different from one another but yet so similar. I have had many good conversations come up lately where you can just share what has been going on with you lately. A prime opportunity where I got to pour into my friends and where my friends got to pour into me. Which is what I have been praying for and still am. That more opportunities would arise like the ones that already have. And I know that these conversations that come up aren't just coincidences but God working through me and my friends. Because he hears our prayers even when we feel like we are talking to no one.

The feeling of freedom

Today I re-read my blogs today and I have noticed a trend in them ever since being home from school for the summer. A lot of my days consist of having a heavy heart and days where all I can do is think and pray for all of my friends. It weighs so heavy on my mind to the point of tears, and I am not one to cry often.
I know this isn't a bad thing as much as I hate to cry sometimes, I know at the same time they are tears of joy. Tears of freedom and release and tears of comfort. That I want to be broken and built back up in God's image and made into the mold I am meant to be and not trying to be. Having a heavy heart is good it tells me I still have compassion for people. I want to be made in the image of God and have a Christ like attitude and if crying at random times even when I try not to is what it takes then that is fine with me.
I have learned that you can't run from a heavy heart it will catch up to you and break you down. Into the sobbing mess you try not to be. But in the end the results are well worth the tears. Feeling refreshed and brand new knowing that God is using you to change the world around you. Slowly but surely results will start to show when you place your heavy heart into God's hands.

Blessings in Disguise

The other day I had the honor and the privilege to be able to serve the homeless people downtown Toronto. Their is not one word or a sentence that I could describe this night in. It was honestly such an amazing time and something I have missed doing. I quickly already forgot the joy you can bring to one person's heart so easily by giving them the time of day.
I know I have said this before, but you never do realize everything you have until it is gone. And probably for some we will never know what it is like not to have everything we want, not need but want. Many people have a really hard time talking to homeless people they find it scary and overwhelming. But they are human just like you are! They have feelings and thoughts and emotions as well. They are not invisible and they do see you when you just ignore them when you walk past them. And they do see you when you just turn your head the other way.
When did our society decide that we are better than them? Enough to turn your head the other way....and not acknowledge their existence? Is my question......How do we have a right as all of us being equal human beings, to categorize ourselves to be better than the other. I have breaking news for you WE DON'T! Our society has made up these standards and levels and appearances that all of us should apparently abide by. And if you can't even afford to buy new clean clothes for yourself. Then you are not worth the time of day.
Homeless people aren't scary they are not going to mug you or hurt you. They just want to know they are loved just like how you want to know you are loved. They want to be smiled at and acknowledged. They want to know they still matter to you even if they can't afford to buy the newest line from a huge name brand.
Put your self in their shoes for just one minute look at your life being the way it is today and one day that being all gone. Yes, I understand some homeless people have chosen this lifestyle for themselves. But just picture this no health care, no family, no home, no food, no clean clothes, no shower, no job and the list goes on......Kind of leaves you at a loss for words realizing you more than likely have all of the above. And how come we can't find it in our hearts to buy a homeless person lunch once in awhile or acknowledge their existence. I am not writing this to make anyone feel guilty but more to open up your eyes, to new thoughts you might of never thought of before.
Homeless people make really good friends, they are loyal and really good at sharing stories. They can make you laugh and they can make you cry. But one of the most important things to remember about them. They can warm your heart with love that they have to share if you let them.
My final thoughts, I find it Ironic that the people who love the most now days and do take time out for their friends. That have so much to give on the inside but not on the outside are homeless people. People we avoid, ignore and now a days our society seems to forget. How Ironic.......

Complaint card please....

Alot of the time in life we complain so much with nothing to really complain, but more feeling the need to talk. Alot of the time we need or should take ourselves out of our own shoes and look at our lives from a different perspective and realize how good we truly have it.
I to, am guilty of this, of complaining over things that are so tiny and don't even matter. We get so caught up in ourselves and our own world that we forget about others in this world. Some that have nothing compared to ourselves. Us middle class people.........average......the regular Joe's.......That is all we might ever be, living by each pay cheque. But we are lucky enough to be getting pay cheques.
We complain if we don't have anything to wear (even though your closet is over flowing), we complain that their is nothing in the fridge (even though it is full of food and their is just nothing that appeals to you), we complain about our friends and their imperfections but don't take the time to realize you are not perfect either.
Our society complains alot of the time without even realizing it anymore, because it has become the norm. Where it is accepted and children have learned you complain, you get what you want. When we should all be taught the lesson of working hard for what you want in life, not complain about it.
Alot of the time we don't realize what we have until it is gone. This is a very true statement. But some people will never be able to understand it, because they had nothing in the first place to complain about. I find more and more now a days the people with nothing to offer that are less than middle class. Are the ones that don't complain about what they don't have. We need to open up our eyes to what our society is turning into, and accepting as the norm. If you have vanilla ice cream instead of chocolate, Well then the world is over. Let's complain about it now......We should be lucky enough to even have those options.
Next time you want to complain about something so simple in life, think twice and realize life is to short to be complaining and especially about something that someone else might not ever have the luxury of.

Religion vs. Relationship

When are people going to realize that we aren't living for religion but for a relationship. To be able to seperate the two and realize relationship is key and what you practice and beleive in! That we don't strive to be religious but to strive to have a stronger relationship with God.
That even if we don't have earthly fathers that you still do have a father that created you and knows every detail about you inside and out! That we can depend on him in those times of need. When we need comfort and reassurance, just to feel loved that our father is here for us. That we would not be fearful in the world we live but know he is the peace that calms us. That in his presence all fear is gone and where we truely belong.
We were created with a plan and purpose set out before for us, to build that relationship with him that he longs for. To be disciples of his word, to go out there and tell the nations of his great name! To have faith that is unbreakable and we will be made complete and lacking in nothing through him. To have child like faith in Christ where nothing is impossible.
God's presence is not something that you can capture enough in words. The relationship that you share with him will never be able to be summed up in a sentance. God is greater than that and his presence is so overwhellming, whether you laugh or you cry, curl into a ball and weep for hours. Or you stand in awe or dance around. He is not going to judge you but only love you unconditionally! We can not put God into a box and give him limits, their is no limits when it comes to God. We will never have a full understanding of him, but always a mysterty about him and his great workings. That he daily continues to do all around the world!
God is here amongst us whether you feel him or not he is their, the ability to have a relationship with him is their as well. He surrounds us with his love and bless's us with his mercy and grace. Giving us a new outlook on life and a new chance to start over with no strings attatched.
He places dreams and passions in our hearts, and gives us a desire to fulfill them in his name. Where we are blessed to be able to do God's will, and see the nations be saved. Your mothers, your fathers, aunts, uncles, children, grandparents and so on. He has a plan specifically for each of us. Hard to fathom yes, hard to do all the time yes, impossbile never!
With Christ that empty incomplete spot in your life with be filled. Knowing that you have now found what you have been looking for, for so many years now. A new hope, a new life a new relationship. Where God has breathed a renewing breath of life into your life.
Take up your cross daily and follow him.

Faith

Often I find that we get so caught up in our problems and all we worry do is worry about it and we let it get the best of us. When did we loose our faith in God knowing that he is in control of it all.
We have sleep less nights from thinking to much and distractions from our day because we are lost in the world of our own confusion. When there is such a simple answer that we choose to be oblivious to. Lay it all at God’s feet and leave it be. God gave his life for us, and this is one of the reasons why so we could look to him in a time of need and in a time of confusion. To be able to turn to him and be able to feel that release and freedom of the things holding you back.
But still we choose to let these thoughts consume us day and night. We need to realize that life is not all about ourselves and realize that there is way more to live for. Than silly thoughts that can be easily answered. Don’t let time waste away thinking about yourself but give it all to God and let your faith grow.
“He said to them, because of you little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain “move from here to there” and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you” –Matthew 17:20-21

La la la

I often find my self lately getting lost in the music. I know that sounds so cheesy and lame. But you know when you listen to a song and it just opens up your eyes to something you have never thought about before. This is what I am referring to. Some songs just over take you and all you can do is tune out everything around you and just feel so engulfed in it all.
The words and the sweet melodies that are being played. You just feel God's presence all around you and nothing else seems to matter at that time. You are relaxed and at ease knowing that you are more than comforted by our loving King. Often times we sing along to songs and not really even pay attention to what we are singing. Don't let the words of the song be just words coming from your mouth think about what you are singing and let it come from your heart. Get lost in the music and God's presence, and feel the peace of God's love around you.
It is an amazing feeling and makes your day so much better. Having the presence of God with you where ever you go, through something so simple as really listening to a song and not just singing along.

thoughts+friends+love=a great life recipe

Another day where my brain is filled and on overflow of thoughts that seem to be never ending. I learned another life lesson today, is what I have come to realize as the day has wrapped up and I am sure I will continue to learn more about it. I finally understand what a true friend is....
I was sent a package tonight in the mail that I forgot today was the day it was coming. And good timing too! I asked for love to be sent to me but never did I imagine love or friendship to look or feel this way. In the first moment of opening up this package and the excitement of not knowing what is inside is only the beginning. Till you finally get to the core center of it and see how much one individual can care for you, with you not even realizing you have impacted one person this much and vice versa.
So much time and thoughtfulness put into one little box. But at the same time this box was enormous to me, with how much love and care it contained. I couldn't of asked for anything better to finish off my night. Not only did it bring an abundance of tears to my eyes knowing someone in this world thinks so much of you. But it warmed the core of my heart to make me want to continue to be an even better friend! Your actions speak louder than words, in this case my box of love was one of the best actions I have seen take place in a long time.....Thank-you once again for being true!

Broken smiles

Today is definitely one of those days where my heart is just so heavy and I feel burdened with so many things of my own and others. Sometimes I just look at our society and what it is turning into. It is honestly ridiculous, that you can’t even put it in words.
Everyone is struggling and it is hard to come by a truly sincere joyful person. You sit and talk with you r friends and they tell you stories about their life, most days it just breaks my heart. You just wish you could fix it all for them. Even though we can help.
There is so much brokenness in our world, hurt in the eyes of strangers. Where you just want to walk up to them and give them a hug telling a person you love them. And maybe that is all they need to hear at that point in time.
To be able to make a person smile once in their day could be their saving grace for what their actions could be later that night. We see brokenness and some days deal with it ourselves. But we don’t have to live in it like most of our society chooses to.
Wouldn’t it be incredible to be able to yell a message of love from the roof tops for everyone in the whole world to hear daily! So you know and have the reassurance that everyone has now felt love, maybe even for the first time ever. We need to choose to live life and not a life of brokenness. Be an inspiration to our society not a discouragement. See people smile and laugh and not see brokenness in their in eyes. Don’t let people walk by that are living a life style like this. Shoot them a smile and see what you get back. It can’t hurt :)

Living

Someone once told me the best way to express you feelings is to write them out. For a long time now I have been holding these feelings all in knowing if I write them out I have to confront them head on at the same time. But there is a time you must overcome those feelings and let them go to be set aside as apart of your past.
I still feel the heart ache some days of when it first happen. That brings me to the point of tears and frowns. I think of you not as much as I used to but not a day goes past that I can say I never thought of you at all. It is hard feeling like you are the one being left behind but all it really is, is a new beginning. That is needed and necessary but some days it is hard to see that and overcome those thoughts when you look back on the good memories of what you once had.
With all the time and effort and love you put into everything. Knowing this wasn’t for you but it was just so comfortable and they made you feel safe and loved. Some days I just wish so badly you could feel and see what I do. And I would do anything for you to know what it is like to be me just for one quick moment. So you actually understood fully what it was like to try and deal with something deep going on in your life. Some days I just want to yell at you and tell you how much you hurt me and others days all I want is just to see you smile to know that you are truly doing ok.
Mixed emotions everyday, and as those become less and less, I miss them. But not really because no one should live in their past. Some times I think about if I saw you again what would I actually do, be speechless, want to hit you (I know abrupt), hug you, walk away, actually have a conversation or pretend I didn’t even see you. You know how people say “if you have nothing nice to say, then don’t say it all”. Most days this applies to you. You think you know a person, but do you really? Don’t get me wrong I am not bitter nor holding a grudge just trying to understood where your coming from fully. I still to this day do you not understand your logic in living life……Hide, runway…..Guess you wouldn’t know yourself…..
All these thoughts run through your mind and sometimes I wonder why I even think about someone who has hurt me so bad knowing the hurt comes along with the thoughts. In situations like these you come to realize how much you can care for a person or the extreme opposite. You see what is out their in the world for you and you take a hold of it or what you thought you had a hold of. Or maybe that is called being just plain naive.
I could write forever about this with all the time and energy I put into one relationship in life. But in the end let’s just chalk it up to a learning experience……I feel as I still have not got all my thoughts and feelings out about this but everyday is a new day!

Reality Check

Tonight I was driving on the highway to my good friends house. When traffic started to slow down and that “oh good” an accident happened went through your head. Now we are going to be bumper to bumper unwillingly. But this time around my thoughts didn’t go to that. My first thought was just to start praying for what was up ahead. Next thing I knew we were bumper to bumper and just inching along. As fire trucks and police cars went flying by. Knowing now it was an accident up ahead and still not knowing what to expect all I could do was pray, for who. I didn’t know. For what? Not really sure either.
As I got closer I saw tire shreds all over the highway and on the other side in the ditch was a car missing it’s whole side like someone had ripped the whole side paneling off. Surprisingly enough no one was hurt the one car accident with the one person involved was ok. As I kept driving further seeing the accident in my rear view mirror it hit me all of a sudden. For a lack of better words one of those “reality check” moments. Where you realized that could have been you.
And your thoughts start to race,
what was the last thing I said to someone, or the last phone call I made, or the last person I saw.
You start to realize life is to short and even if your 95 it still seems to young to die.
That we still have so much to live for, so much to see and so much to offer to others. And most of all so much love to offer to people. And makes everything else seems so insignificant, like that grudge you have been holding against someone for months or maybe even years. Or that bitterness you hold in your heart towards a “friend” or family members.
You see it from an outsiders perspective and see that life is a one time thing and you can make it as memorable as you want or not. That we choose to love on people unconditionally or not. That in those reality check moments you hold the ability to let it just be something you once thought of. Or you have the ability to let it be something that motivates you to be a better person and you learn from it.
Tonight was definitely one of those moments I will not let pass by, but hold onto it. Realizing who knows what tomorrow will hold….but in the mean time I am going to make the best of it.

Hurts

Hurts make us cry, hurts make us saddened, hurts make us not have faith, hurts make us not want to try again, hurts make you feel hollow.

Hurts make or break you, hurts strengthen you, hurts build you up to be better, hurts make you who you are today, hurts encourage others. hurts happen to everybody.

Everybody has hurts in their lives and some never get easier to talk about over time. And that pain that you felt on that day still strikes that same chord as it day on that day that the hurt first occured. You think your hurt gets easier to deal with over time, or to talk about.......And they do but that hurt will never fully go away. You feel it in the pit of your stomach, always in the back of your head, in the core of your heart, you see it in your eyes.

Hurt is a concept that no one will fully understand why it has to happen. But sometimes we don't need to know. Because it is ok to cry and it is ok to be sad, it will build your faith. To make you want to try again to the point where you don't feel hollow......And in time that day will come through prayer and faith and knowing it is ok to not always know why things happen the way they do.

In the end the hurt we overcome can only make us better as a whole.....hard to believe sometimes but in time you won't need to ask why anymore but just have an understanding.

Friendship

Sometimes I don't think we value our friendships that we have enough. And we don't realize until a person is gone or distant how much they actually meant to us as a whole. We meet people and have a bond together that continues to grow over time. We get to know them better and they get to know us inside and out.
Many times we take advantage of that and not realize that one day that friendship could no longer exist if we don't set aside time for that person. And slowly we regret that knowing we had such a good friend once that is now no more than just a stranger walking by.
All that time and energy gone because we chose not to care as much after awhile. We need to see the value in people and see that they have good intentions for us, to be their for us through thick and thin. In your most ugly moments or your time to shine! We need to understand that people do care for others even if they don't say it with their words. I know that I don't want any friends that are now strangers.
Friendship is a gift given to us some may see it like a gift and others maybe not. But you choose who you want as a good friend or not and who you might regret not being good friends with. If you have a good friend who has seen the good the bad and the ugly. And loves you regardless. Don't be a stranger.......